


only fools fall (for you)

by neinley



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fake/Pretend Relationship, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), but is it though, the crisis isn't about being gay it's about falling in love with your best friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-25 23:57:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20034469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neinley/pseuds/neinley
Summary: What do you when, a week before Valentine's Day, one of your best friends is outed and sort of dumped at the same time?If you're Sirius Black, you ask him out. It kills so many birds with one stone: people are less likely to give your newly-out mate trouble, you (theoretically) don't have to worry about love potions being slipped into your pumpkin juice, it'll really piss off your freshly estranged family, and it's not like you're going to fall in love with each other, right?... Right?





	only fools fall (for you)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lunchtop](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lunchtop/gifts).

It was about halfway through breakfast that Sirius realized two things:

One, the giggling and staring that was usually directed toward him when there were than many girls clustered together at the other end of the table wasn't happening,

and

Two, Remus was exceptionally late for breakfast, despite saying that he might be just a little late that morning. For the life of him, Sirius couldn't remember exactly what would have made his best friend late - he'd still been waking up, which wasn't one of his best moments on a good day, and he hadn't particularly cared, because Moony hadn't seemed agitated. It wasn't like him to miss breakfast entirely, though, and so Sirius had become determined to wrap up some leftovers and meet up with him before class if worst came to worst, but now he was distracted.

Mostly by the fact that girls weren't distracted by him, which wasn't to say that he _wanted_ them to be, particularly, it was just odd. This close to Valentine's Day he usually had a hanger-on or two, to his friends' eternal annoyance (and his too! sometimes.) but no one had so much as battled their eyelashes at him today.

It was interesting.

"Prongs," he began, leaning over far enough to elbow the man in question, who grunted and shoveled another bite of porridge in his face in response. "Do you think the girls are acting odd?"

Slanting him a glance, James chewed aggressively - far more aggressively than any mouthful of oats truly deserved - and ignored him. Ah, still smarting about the most recent in the long string of refusal from Evans, then.

Sensing he would get no assistance from that quarter, he spun on the bench to face Peter, who was already eyeing him warily. "Wormy, same question. And also, do you know where Moony's got to? I'm going to get crumbs in my pockets from saving him a breakfast sandwich."

"No idea," Peter said, brow furrowing a little. "He mentioned he had to meet with his arithmancy partner, but that it shouldn't take long, I think. Pass me the jam?"

Sirius passed it over obligingly, propping his chin up in his hand, and cast another curious look down the length of the table. He made eye contact with Evans, which was interesting considering she generally did her level best to ignore himself and his compatriots at any possible turn, but what was even more surprising was when she gave him a firm little nod and stood up. Sirius blinked, and Evans jerked her head.

He pointed to himself, eyebrows arched, and asked, "Me?" as James' foot came down on top of his with impressive force. 

"Ow!" The look of annoyance on his face was dwarfed by the betrayed outrage on James', and Sirius held up his hands in the universal sign of surrender.

"What's Evans want with you?" James asked on a hiss, spraying a bit of porridge as he did so. 

"No idea, mate, but that was disgusting," he said with feeling, leaning back as far as he could go. "I'll report back in a minute. Wipe your mouth, you look like an angry toddler."

He stood and brushed himself off, patting James on the shoulder as he went, and had to hurry to keep up with Evans' long strides on her way out of the cafeteria. If he were James, he might be worried she was luring him off somewhere to murder him, but considering he hadn't done anything in particular lately to warrant her ire, he wasn't too concerned. The entire situation really did only cement the fact that the womenfolk in general were behaving very oddly, though, and he spared a moment to consider that he was actually including Lily in that population for the first time in quite some time.

Not earnestly, though. James was completely gone for her, and friends don't betray their friends like that. But the more he thought about it, being singled out by her and taken into the corridor for a private conversation the week before Valentine's Day did look a little suspicious, and Sirius had a brief moment of panic. Merlin, she wasn't _actually_ going to ask him on a date, was she? He hoped not; it would be extremely awkward to turn her down, and he'd have to let James pound him for accidentally drawing the eye of his tragically one-sided obsession. 

The moment they were alone, he opened his mouth to ask a question, but the look on her face made him change track immediately. "Evans, what's going on?"

"That's what I wanted to ask you," she said, arms tucked tight around her torso. She looked genuinely angry, and it wouldn't be the first time he's been on the receiving end of a look like that, but usually he at least earned it. "What're the three of you doing stuffing your faces at a time like this?"

Sirius blinked again. "At... breakfast time?"

Lily bared her teeth, and Sirius leaned back. 

"I thought Remus was your friend," she began, and the casual curiosity he'd felt up until that moment sharpened into the fine point of offense. 

He leaned back in, glaring back, now, and snapped, "He is my friend. One of my _best_ friends, obviously. What're you on about?"

Lily's eyes flicked between both of his, her frown deepening for a moment, before her expression cleared entirely. "You don't know. Oh, bollocks."

Annoyance twisted up with the first hint of real concern, and Sirius took a step closer, lowering his voice urgently. "Evans, I don't know what?"

"Remus had a boyfriend," she said quickly, voice equally low. "Or something to that effect, but... some people saw them this morning, there was a scene, he's upset. The guy was a complete ass about it," she continued with feeling, dropping her arms to her sides. "I gave him detention, but I'd've liked to just give him a right hook, to be honest."

Normally, Sirius would have been amused by hearing such a statement come from the girl who was constantly staring down her nose at them and their "bullying," but he was rather caught up on the fact that Remus apparently had a boyfriend. Or, he _had_ had a boyfriend. He'd been ducking out of the dormitory earlier than the rest of them lately and getting back later, but he'd just said that his courses were taking up more time than he'd expected, and none of them had really pressed the matter much. (Well, Sirius had jokingly teased him about having a girlfriend a few weeks ago, but Moony had neatly shut that down and turned it around on him, and now he found himself freshly irritated by that particular turn of conversation.) Nevermind the fact that he'd just realized his best friend had been sneaking around under all their noses for weeks, he's also apparently gay, or bisexual, or something to that effect, and offense swiftly gave way to hurt. 

Why hadn't he told them?

"Black!" Evans snapped her fingers in front of his face, and he nearly went cross-eyed looking at her. She was frowning again, but with disappointment lacing her fine features. "You're not going to be disgusting about this, are you?"

"What?" He lifted a hand to his head, dragging it through is hair, and gripped a handful at the base of his neck. "No! Don't be stupid, Evans. I don't give a rat's ass. My favorite uncle's - nevermind that, you said he's upset? Where is he now?"

She was still studying him suspiciously, but eventually, she said, "I think he headed to the astronomy tower. Black, I'm serious-"

"No, I am," he returned automatically, already stepping around her.

"-ugh, so stupid. If I find out you've given him a hard time, you'll be answering to me!"

Whirling, Sirius pointed at her, real anger bubbling up into his chest as he snapped, "He's my best friend. I'll thank you not to imply I'd make a bad fucking day even worse, Evans. If that's what you expect from friends, you need some new ones."

He watched her mouth clamp shut, color high on her cheeks, and then spun back around and stalked off down the hall. He wasn't certain exactly what he would say to Remus when he found him, or exactly how he felt about all these revelations coming to him secondhand, but he knew that if Moony was left to his own devices, he'd mope and somehow end up blaming himself for whatever ugly scene he'd been involved in, and Sirius didn't have the patience to wade through that. Best to nip it in the bud, get the particulars out of someone to deliver to James and Peter later, and do damage control. 

No wonder the girls hadn't been paying attention to him, he thought distractedly as he began to jog up the stairs to the tower. They had an interesting bit of gossip to occupy themselves with instead, didn't they?

The thought of Remus being the subject of gossip and ridicule made his chest tighten in outrage, and he threw open the door to the tower with perhaps a touch more force than necessary. It bounced off the wall with a bang, and from his perch on the windowsill, he saw Remus' shoulders jerk up in surprise before they settled again.

Perhaps he should have thought this through a bit more, Sirius considered, hesitating in the doorway for a few beats. What would he even do if Remus was in here bawling his heart out or something? Sirius was no good with emotion on a regular day, and certainly had no experience with a situation like this. He'd handled his fair share of crying girls in his time - and by handled, he usually meant extricated himself as quickly as possible and ignored them until they moved on to someone else - but this was entirely new ground.

As the silence stretched onward, he opened his mouth, closed it, and took a couple hesitant steps. "Moony?"

To his surprise, Remus chuckled, twisting a little on his perch to raise an eyebrow at him. It wasn't exactly an amused look, but he didn't look... well, devastated, either. "News does travel fast, doesn't it?"

Bolstered by the knowledge that he wasn't going to have to lend his shoulder for any gentle weeping any time soon, Sirius crossed the room at a more normal pace, climbing up to sit in the sill beside him. He let one leg dangle in a mirror of Remus' pose, and rested his temple against the glass, too. "Evans dragged me out of breakfast and scolded me for being insensitive. Would have been nice to know that's what I was doing before the fact, but I suppose these little surprises are what keep us going."

Remus' eyes shifted guiltily back out the window, and he twisted his fingertips in the hem of his robe. Where his voice was steady and calm, the nervous gesture betrayed him. "Sorry. I was planning on giving you all the blow-by-blow after breakfast. Just wanted a minute to reflect before I had to, I guess."

He meant to say something reassuring, or at least something to lighten the mood a little, but what came out of Sirius' mouth instead was: "Why didn't you tell us?"

Remus winced, and Sirius did, too, but he didn't feel bad enough to take the question back. They trusted one another with everything; they knew about Sirius' family, about every embarrassing thought to cross James' mind when it came to Lily Evans, about Peter's worries and insecurities. Hell, they knew about Remus' furry little problem, and between that and the potentially-gay thing, it was honestly a toss up as to which was a bigger, more socially devastating secret. He'd trusted them with his lycanthropy (okay, well, they'd imposed themselves on his lycanthropy, but the point stood) and he had to know he could trust them with this, too.

Remus' smile was wan. "Not the sort of thing you just advertise, is it? Besides," he added, laughing again, though it was a little more harsh than the last time. "How many awful secrets does one person get before his friends get sick of keeping them for him?"

"Shut up," Sirius shot back, knocking his foot against Remus' and pinning it to the wall between them. "That's not how it works and you know it, Remus. Don't insult me, or James or Peter, either."

"I know." Remus' voice was quiet, eyes dropping to where his fingers were still twisted up in his robe. He sighed. "I know, Pads."

"Then you should have told us," He insisted, pressing his knuckles against the glass, hot to cold. "How're we supposed to have your back if we don't know you need it? It sounds like we need to kick this guys' arse, too, so we'll be needing a name."

Remus smiled, glancing back over to Sirius. "You really don't need to. It wasn't that - dire."

"What _I_ hear is your ex-boyfriend was a berk. That sounds dire enough to me."

"We weren't dating," Remus said quickly, and at the look on Sirius' face, his own turned scarlet. "Well, we weren't. Just a bit of kissing."

"Remus John Lupin," Sirius exclaimed, fanning his fingers out over his chest, and affecting an astonished look. "I don't even know what to say."

"Oh, shut up." Some of the tension around the corners of Remus' eyes faded as he leaned over to shove Sirius, and a bit of the knot in Sirius' chest loosened, too. "Anyway, I'm just hoping to let it all blow over. I suppose if it had to be between this and the other one, I'd rather the school know about this. Sort of."

Logically, Sirius knew he was right, but that didn't minimize the fact that people were going to be completely awful about this and the last couple years of school would be absolute hell for him. At least if he and the bloke had actually made a go of it they could flip the narrow-minded people the bird together, but from the little he'd pieced together of the situation, that was out entirely. Remus was liked well enough, though no where near as popular as Sirius and James were, and this was the sort of thing, well...

With the way the world was shaping up, it really was just one more thing Remus didn't need. People weren't aware he was a werewolf on the whole, but his blood status was common enough knowledge, and it was infuriating that something like that mattered to people, but it did. What was the point of blood supremacy, anyway, if you couldn't do anything good with it; it mattered for fuck all that Sirius was pureblooded to anyone but the people who didn't matter, and perfectly good people like Remus were considered less, somehow, when he was... probably one of the best people Sirius knew.

No, scratch that, he was definitely the best person Sirius knew. 

He released Remus' foot, shifting a little to get more comfortable, and admitted, "It will. Valentine's, and all. You know, I thought the girls were acting strange. This close to the holiday and I hadn't gotten a single sly glance this morning."

Remus snorted. "However did your ego survive?"

"It almost didn't, you wanker," Sirius shot back, and then sighed. "Actually, it was a nice break. Not to bemoan being handsome and popular, but honestly, it's a bit annoying this year."

"Poor you," Remus said blandly. "All this attention from pretty girls. You could have my problem," he said, examining his fingernails. "Actually, you probably do, you just don't know it."

"I have caught a wandering eye now and again," Sirius agreed, unbothered. "Anyway, everyone knows you don't take a girl on a date for V-day. Gives them ideas about relationships and all that, and I'm terminally disinterested in dating. Would you," he began, and then stopped, considering his words for a moment. "Would you have gone on a date with - you know who - for Valentine's?"

Remus seemed taken aback by the question, and he looked away again, a slightly unhappy downturn to his mouth. After a silence, he said, "I don't know. Unlike you, I don't think a relationship's the worst thing that can happen to someone."

"Ugh," Sirius returned.

"You wouldn't have to worry about avoiding all this attention for every holiday," Remus pointed out. "You'd just have one girl to please, and even you could manage that, probably."

There was some truth to that, but. "You've seen how disturbing Prongs is about Evans. Can you imagine me with a girlfriend? Rather spend my time with you. Actually."

Sirius sat up, and Remus did, too, casting a wary eye on him. "Sirius-"

"Moony," Sirius interrupted. "I've just had a brilliant idea."

"No," Remus said, flat and unamused. "No to its alleged brilliance and to the idea itself."

"You haven't even heard me out!" Scrambling to his feet, Sirius gestured widely. "You do realize people are going to be shitheads about this, right? And that Prongs and I are going to have to thrash them, and then it's going to cause a lot of problems. We've got to present a united front on this."

Remus stood up too, expression incredulous. "There's a difference between presenting a united front and what you're suggesting!"

"I haven't even suggested it! You've no idea what I'm suggesting!" After a pause, he added, "But what I'm suggesting is that we date, of course."

"Of course," Remus echoed. "Absolutely not. Insane. Unbelievable. Completely lunatic."

"Tell me how you really feel," Sirius returned dryly. "Look, I'm popular. Oh, don't roll your eyes at me, I am. People like me a lot, and might be slightly less horrible if they think we're dating. It'll really piss off Reg," he added, brightening to the idea as it gained momentum. "Oh, imagine the look on my dearly depraved mother's face when she finds out her son's a poof, too. Girls will stop trying to slip me love potions every time I leave my drink unguarded for five minutes, and we just carry on as we always have, no one the wiser but us. Moony, it's perfect."

Remus grabbed his bookbag and slung it over his shoulder, shaking his head all the while. "Perfectly mental, you mean."

Before he could get too far, Sirius snatched his hand and held it tight, dragging Remus back over. "Come on. What's the harm?"

"It's - it's lying," Remus sputtered, looking down at their hands and then back up at Sirius. "I understand what you're trying to do, Pads, and I appreciate your noble sacrifice, really, but the answer is no."

"What, am I not your type?" Aside from considering himself universally appealing, Sirius found that he was a little bit hurt by the idea that Remus was so vehemently against even pretending to date him. "You know, it's believable. We spend all our time together. I rushed off from Evans like a knight in shining armor, even, she'd back us up."

Remus tried to twist his hand away, but Sirius twined their fingers together, and he sighed, letting his grip relax. "Why is this so important to you?"

"Because you're important to me," Sirius said without hesitating, gratified by the warm look that passed over Remus' face. "Because my uncle's, you know. He's gay. Because my family is shit, and it's stupid that people are stupid about this, and... well, maybe you didn't think you could trust us with this, but I'm going to prove you can, all right? Never been a boyfriend, but I can muddle through, I think."

Remus shook his hand free and then threw his arms around Sirius, his bookbag swinging around and thumping into his thigh as he pulled him into a tight hug. They stayed like that for a few moments, Sirius' arms coming up around Remus to hug him back, before Sirius broke the silence.

"So, d'you want to go out with me, then?"

With a sigh that ended on a laugh, Remus said, "I suppose it's not the craziest thing we've ever done. All right, then. You do realize that I expect chocolate for Valentine's now, right?"

Drawing back, Sirius gripped his best friend's shoulders with a wide, mischievous grin. "Of course. I look forward to what you get me, Moony," he added breezily, sliding one hand down to lace their fingers together again and tug. "Now come on. Prongs is probably about to go spare wondering where we've gone off to, and we have an extremely romantic announcement to make."

**Author's Note:**

> come talk to me on twitter at neinley! i'm gay and want friends. oh shit, i'm remus.


End file.
